The Serpent and the Tortoise
by Cheesy Corn Chowder
Summary: A joke ship gets a heartfelt treatment as a fanfic writer overcomes past personal issues.


Snake sat by himself in the basement of the Smash Mansion. While other fighters may have chosen the patio or some other external area of the Mansion for solitary reflection, he felt more comfortable in the basement. No one ever had any practical reason to go down there.

"God**damm**, I'm so lonely," he commented. He took out a pack of cigarettes he'd smuggled in. Smoking was generally forbidden in and around the Mansion, but he knew he needed the nicotine.

Snake heard someone coming down the stairs. He quickly tossed his cigarette to the floor and smushed it. When he turned around, he saw Bowser coming down with a box.

"Oh, it's just you," Snake commented. "What are you doing?"

"I'm just brining some stuff down here." Bowser set the box down. "What are you doing down here?"

Snake felt no need to be dishonest with Bowser. "I was taking a smoke break. I know it's not allowed, but I just had a nicotine craving."

"Aww, what's a rule for if you can't break it every once in a while?" Bowser sat down next to Snake. "I'll even give you a light." Snake took out a cigarette and held it by Bowser. Bowser used a quick puff of fire breath to light it.

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it." Bowser watched Snake take a puff of the cigarette. "So you're…David, right?"

"Most people just call me Snake."

"Snake, huh? I like it. Reptilian."

"Yep. Nice and sneaky, just like me."

Bowser looked at Snake. His demeanor suggested it wasn't just nicotine withdrawal that had brought him down here. "Was there some other reason you came down here?"

"No." Snake tried to hide his emotions, but Bowser saw right through him. "Yes. I'm just so lonely."

"I know the feeling."

"It's so unfair!" Snake whined. "Bayonetta's with Ryu, that yoga lady's with Dr. Mario, and that beautiful goddess Samus is with that _fucking_ robot, R.O.B.!"

"I know how you feel," Bowser responded. "Peach has that stupid prince Marth, Palutena's got Link, Rosalina is in love with Pit, and Zelda's got Mr. Game & Watch of all people. Hell, Daisy's with Waluigi and he's not even a true fighter here!"

Snake scoffed. "I see you're one of _those_ guys."

"What does that mean?"

"You go for the fantasy girls, the princesses. Chicks like Rosalina and Peach do nothing for me. I prefer the tough ladies like Bayonetta and Samus."

"What's wrong with liking princesses?"

"Nothing, if you're a five-year-old girl. Magical princesses aren't very realistic."

"You're talking to a giant turtle dragon. We threw out realism a long time ago."

"Yeah, I suppose you're right. That's why I don't belong here."

"Aw, don't say that, buddy." Bowser put his hand on Snake's leg. "We've all got our place in the Smash Mansion. I represent the _Mario_ franchise as well as villains. You represent the third-parties."

"But what about the people who don't like me?"

"Well, maybe they have their reasons. Maybe it's not even really personal with you. Maybe a fan of your's just bullied them to the point where they don't like you by association."

"That person sounds like a real loser."

"The bully or the victim?"

"Does it matter?"

Bowser chuckled at this response. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't get too caught up by the people who hate you and instead focus on the people who like you."

"Do you like me?"

"Yes." Snake finally noticed that Bowser had laid his hand on Snake's knee. It was strangely comforting. "I've liked you ever since we met back in 2008."

"Really?"

"Yes. And ever since then, I've been wanting to see you again."

Snake blushed. "I've…actually kinda wanted to see you again, too."

Bowser removed his hand from Snake's knee. The two went to embrace each other. "I don't know if this is good, the way I feel for you…but it feels right."

"Maybe I don't need a chick. Maybe…maybe another dude is what I need."

Bowser held Snake in a loving manner. Snake responded by kissing Bowser on the cheek. Something about this just felt right for them. Maybe the others would understand, maybe they wouldn't. It truly didn't matter at that point. All that mattered was each other.

"I think I love you," Bowser admitted.

Snake looked into Bowser's eyes. "I think I love you, too."

Bowser looked around the room, then back at Snake. "You sure you don't like princesses? Because I've got a special crown that could…turn me into one for a bit."

Snake looked to the side. "Aww, what the Hell. I'll try anything once." The two went upstairs, holding each other close as they walked up the stairs.


End file.
